How free is your mind when it comes to sex? Are you an “anything goes” type of girl or bashful and inhibited? By Keysha Davis

Sexually speaking, as daughters of the feminist and sexual-liberation movement of the 1960s, we’ve been left with a grey area where matters of sexual conduct are concerned. In our mother’s era, the order of the day was to marry young and start a family as soon as possible, which left very little room for sexual experimentation beyond the confines of marriage. On the contrary, we now exist in an era where anything goes and are surrounded by hyper-sexualized iconic figures such as Lil’ Kim and Jordan. The pressure to be “bad bad and wicked inna bed” is enormous. Suffice to say, many women struggle with sexual confidence and are pulled in both directions when trying to locate exactly where their sexual compass lies.


Church Girl sexual type
“I always considered myself to be quite a sexually liberated girl, until I met Jeff* when I was 24,” says Helen, now 30. “He wanted to try things I considered a little risqué, like anal sex and threesomes. He even tried to tape us having sex one day and would simply laugh it off and call me frigid if I refused any of his requests. In the end we both grew apart, but he’s left me with long-lasting insecurities about how good I am in bed.” Do you often find yourself analyzing your sexual performance and asking questions such as: Was I good enough, or Does he think I’m a bore? If so, it’s time to ditch those debilitating thoughts and liberate not just your mind but your body, too. Good sex should be about enjoying yourself, engaging your senses and having fun – not an open audition for a role in a porn flick. Similarly, if you’re holding back your sexual urges by not expressing your needs to your partner, you also need to give yourself a sexual freedom make-over. “Church-girl sex” and “marriage sex” are slang terms applied to women who simply go through the motions during sex. The greatest obstacle the Church Girl type faces is having the confidence to set her own sexual boundaries without fear of judgment.


Modern Girl sexual type
You sip Cosmopolitans, spend a copious amount of your salary on sparkly footwear, and mourn the loss of Sex & The City… Congratulations, you are a fully certified member of the 21st century, girl. And just like your Manhattanite heroines, you view yourself as sexually confident. Chances are you’ve bedded 10 or more partners and feel assertive enough not to lie about this statistic if asked. You own or have experimented with a Rabbit, the infamous vibrator that catapulted to the top of the sex-toy list. There’s nothing you’re not up for. Or is there? On the surface, the Modern Girl sexual type seems to have the perfect balance. She knows how to ask for what she wants in bed, and scoffs at the idea of a woman being sexually submissive. However, don’t be fooled by the faux air of self-assurance. Just like the Church Girl sexual type, the Modern Girl harbours traditional values and engages only in sexual activities that are acceptable within the parameters of mainstream society and her peer group. Up the sexual ante a notch. Try getting off with the guy from your office that ticks all your boxes but just happens to be from another ethnic group. Or try kissing a girl – you might even enjoy it. Don’t let other people’s sexual values make you miss out on all the fun you could be having.


Liberated Girl sexual type
You’ve tried it all – dominatrix, kinky sex, swinging from the chandeliers – and you feel obliged to tell the world about it. You’re so comfortable with your sexuality that others often feel uncomfortable with your frankness. Being this liberated sexually can often give off the wrong signals. Guys will probably mistake your openness for sluttiness, and you may find it difficult to form a committed relationship because men view you solely as a sex object. While we would never suggest you change the essence of your personality – many would kill to be as free-spirited as you are – just remember there’s a time and place for everything. Bear this in mind when revealing the sordid details of your dirty weekend to your friend while her grandma sits silently listening in shock.